A Day in the Life of Democracy’s Digital Defender

Subject: A Day in the Life of Democracy’s Digital Defender

To: The Team Making My Tweets a Triumph

Cc: The Bright Minds Behind My Hashtags

Bcc: No Need—You’re All Too Important to Hide

Dear Dream Team,

I hope you’re all charged up and ready to ride the wave of political genius that was today’s ☓ activity! I’ve been deep in the trenches of social media, navigating the wild waters of public opinion, and let me tell you—it’s been a journey.

I thought I’d share the highlights, so you can see firsthand how we’re shaping the narrative of our nation, one tweet at a time. Spoiler alert: It involves a little bit of everything, from Kamala to Ukraine. Let’s dive in!

06:45 AM: Started the day by checking Twitter as usual—because how else would I know what’s really happening in the world? First thing I see is a tweet from Kamala Harris about how climate change is the fight of our lifetime.

I mean, wow. If Kamala says it’s true, it must be, right? So, naturally, I fired off a tweet pledging to make climate change my top priority. Never mind that yesterday I was all about boosting the coal industry—today, we’re going green! I even changed my profile picture to a tree. Subtle yet impactful.

08:00 AM: As I scrolled through my feed, I came across a tweet by Donald Trump declaring that the NEXT election could be rigged—again.

Now, I know what you’re thinking, but if he’s tweeting about it again, there must be something to it. I quickly tweeted out my support to ensure that there will be an undisputed election in the US, despite the fact that I’ve publicly congratulated the current administration more times than I can count.

But hey, better safe than sorry, right? And the best part? The retweets were off the charts. Clearly, the people want answers, and I’m just the leader to ask the tough questions (even if I’m asking them five years too late).

09:30 AM: Then I stumbled upon a thread about the war in Ukraine. Some anonymous account with a patriotic eagle avatar posted a theory about how the war is actually a secret operation to liberate ancient alien technology hidden in the Ukrainian mountains. I mean, it sounded plausible.

And if there’s even a 1% chance it’s true, shouldn’t we be on top of it? So, I did what any responsible leader would do: I tweeted out my deep concern and called for immediate hearings at the United Nations in Geneva to get to the bottom of this potential extraterrestrial threat. The people have a right to know, after all.

11:00 AM: In the midst of the Ukraine-alien situation, I came across a viral tweet from a celebrity chef claiming that avocados are the solution to world hunger. Mind. Blown. So, I immediately pivoted from my usual policy talk and posted a thread about the power of avocados.

This is the kind of forward-thinking, outside-the-box leadership that our country needs. Plus, it doesn’t hurt to stay on trend with the foodies. Imagine the votes we could win with an avocado-based economic recovery plan!

12:30 PM: Lunchtime! And you know what that means—time to live-tweet my meal. I decided to keep it simple and relatable with a classic hamburger.

But wait! Just as I was about to post, I saw a tweet claiming that hamburgers contribute to global warming. Total panic. In a flash of brilliance, I edited my tweet to say I was eating a plant-based burger (even though it was definitely beef). Crisis averted.

The comments were full of praise for my environmental consciousness. Sometimes, you’ve got to think on your feet—and on your feed!

02:00 PM: Came across a tweet from an account with a picture of a flag and an eagle saying that the U.S. should annex Greenland because it’s full of untapped resources. It made sense—why hasn’t anyone thought of this before? Within minutes, I was drafting a proposal to tweet out my support for this bold new strategy.

This is the kind of visionary thinking that will put us back on the map—literally!

04:00 PM: Disaster struck when I accidentally retweeted a conspiracy theory about the moon landing being faked. Oops. But not to worry, I swiftly recovered by posting a tweet about how we need to fund NASA even more to „finally“ settle any doubts.

After all, who doesn’t love space exploration? The retweets were surprisingly positive—people love a good mystery.

05:30 PM: Ended the day with a tweet expressing my deep gratitude to our nation’s farmers, inspired by a meme I saw comparing their work to that of ancient warrior poets.

The sentiment might have been over the top, but the likes came pouring in, so clearly, it resonated. Who knew my base was so into agricultural metaphors?

As you can see, it’s been another wildly successful day in the world of digital diplomacy.

I’ve managed to align myself with everyone from Kamala to Trump, address potential alien conspiracies, and save the planet with avocados—all without leaving the comfort of my phone. This is what modern leadership looks like, folks.

Let’s keep up the great work, team. Together, we can tweet our way to a brighter tomorrow!

Best,

Senator Click McScroll

@CMcscroll

Commander-in-Chief of the Xverse